Dear Dee,

Hello again. We spoke this morning. You already know that Justin and Karen are now married. The big zombie is now goo. Even with several of Justin’s man catchers on it knocking the zombie down and keeping it down so we could tie it up was really hard work. Angie and Aiden had very close calls. Fr. Andrew is now dead. We believe he asked for a miracle to save Aiden.

I wanted to tell you about how I have been feeling and what I have been thinking. You are the only person I am actually close to. I like my fellow save members and trust them but am not close to any of them. I really like Karen but she has been so busy that I have not had a chance to get close to her. Although Justin and Tony/Beowulf are both brave and intelligent we seem to have only SAVE in common. Frank has a lot of depth to him and is intriguing but he keeps himself apart and behind at least one mast all the time. Reg is pleasant. He has been busy with his work but I have not spent that much time talking with him.

I had been feeling conflicted. Part of me wants to go through life without looking at another man but that is just not possible. Not having sex again is possible but not looking is not. As much as I still love Joen I know that my life is not over. I was never unfaithful to him (things that he initiated do not count). Not while we were married. Not while we dated. I did not tell him that I broke up with the other two men I was seeing after our first date. He had not asked me to and I did not ask him to be monogamous until we were dating six months. I have been thinking about what happened. I wanted to look the experience in the proverbial eye so I can move on.
I felt that my life was over when I found out that he had been giving presents to someone else. I was afraid that he had gotten bored with me. I could not see myself without him. Us being together was the center of my life. I could cope when my parents died in that car crash. I could not see myself teaching without the ring on my finger. I could not see myself as just myself. He got sicker and sicker I told the hospital to check both of us for STDs. Nothing. He ignored me. It was as if he could not see me. Sometimes he asked the nurses to bring me so I could join him and his love. He finally saw me. He told me to come with him away from the machines. Then he collapsed and I heard him call to It. Begging the Lorelei to come back. Give him just one more kiss, one more caress. He slipped into a coma with a smile on his face and died two days later. He had donated his body to science. So he went to the medical students not a graveyard. Had I been thinking strait I would have made sure. I was in deep morning. I called in favors and had Mejia take over my intro class, Albrecht take over the others and farmed out my graduate students. I got a twelve-month sabbatical. Three weeks after Joen died I started seeing him in the mirror behind me. He was telling me to come to him. To kiss him. To meet this girl who would look great next to me. I was sure that I had lost my mind. I started throwing our wedding plates at mirrors. I told my parish pastor. She took me to her house on church grounds. I started seeing Joen in my dreams but not while I was awake. The following week you showed up. You were all energy and confidence and strength. I felt that I had none left. I thought I would fall at the end when he materialized at the end. He said he wanted to spend all time with me. I heard him singing Angel to me. (Angel come to me to me come to me
Angel belong to me to me belong to me
Angel you have wings to fly fly to me
Angel do you doubt no need to have doubt
Angel feel my love my love for you feel my love for you
Angel carry me to you to your home to paradise
Angel I would lie for you for you just for you with my yearning heart
And angel I would die for you for you just for you with my burning heart
Angel don't feel liable for me and my pain don't feel liable
Cause angels must be free high up from this world in eternity
Angel I could clip your wings to catch all your love to calm your pain
But angel this would be so wrong you would bleed to death immediately
So angel come to me heal my glaring pain voluntarily
I love you) He had a chamber quartet play it while he sang on our all of our anniversaries.
Yes looking back on it our relationship was in bad shape before the Unknown got sight of Joen. I have been working on my mental stability. You were right that I cannot fight the Unknown when I am broken. So I have been working on myself. I really like Aikido. It helps me focus on my own power and self-control. Prayer and music are both wonderful healers. I have found the strength of my faith. I have found the use of my skills and knowledge. I have found people that need my help sometimes. I have found myself in the new world. I think it is time to live again. I think I am about ready to come out of morning. I am not ready to get married or anything. I think I will take some classes. I had thought about teaching some but want my time to be freer when SAVE stuff comes up. I am the only one without a full time vocation with the possible exception of Angie. I think it is a good idea for one of us to be able to do research or errands much of the time.

Aiden almost killed himself to save Angie’s life. Father Andrew gave his life so that Aiden could live and carry on the fight. They both were willing to give their lives for another. Aiden is feeling really guilty right now but it was Fr. Andrews choice which happened to be the choice Aiden had made not twelve hours earlier. We all have our lives to live. I am thinking about dating but it seems unethical to date someone who is not already aware of the Unknown, which makes the pool much smaller. Reg, Frank and Tony are available. Frank likes his distance. Tony is really not my type. Reg seems to be. He appears to be bisexual but since I am not planning on getting serious yet it should not matter. I am glad I sent for more of my clothes from storage. I have a jacket that is perfect for electronica/industrial clubbing. Now if I could just find a Lutheran priest who I can give a complete confession to. I do not like having to say “and all other sins I have committed” when I want to come clean on what I know I did before I say “and all other sins I have committed”. I know God knows about it already but having a religious confidant would be wonderful.

I am planning on accompany Karen back up to the dig in the UP. It seems prudent when we are digging up dead peoples stuff. Reg has volunteered to fly Justin up on weekends occasionally. I hope it goes well. I am planning on asking Reg out between funerals. The deaths are reminding me to focus on life.

I am starting to ramble so it must be time to bring this letter to a close. I will write again soon.
As always you have my fondest wishes.

Sincerely,
Leigh Sorensen